Of course. Here is an article written from the perspective of a therapist on how to manage anxiety.
How to Tame Your Anxiety: A 5-Step Guide from a Therapist
That familiar knot in your stomach. The racing heart before a big meeting. The endless loop of “what if” scenarios that hijacks your thoughts at 3 a.m. If you’ve ever felt this way, you know anxiety. And if you’re human, you’ve definitely felt it.
As a therapist, I want to start by saying this: Anxiety is a normal, protective human emotion. It’s our internal alarm system, designed to alert us to danger. The problem isn’t the alarm itself; it’s when the alarm is stuck in the “on” position, ringing loudly even when there’s no real fire. When anxiety becomes chronic and overwhelming, it can feel less like a helpful alarm and more like a relentless bully.
The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety entirely—that’s impossible and wouldn’t even be healthy. Instead, the goal is to tame it. It’s about learning to sit with the feeling, listen to what it might be trying to tell you, and then calmly take back control. Over years of working with clients, I’ve seen that this is a skill anyone can learn.
Here is a 5-step guide to help you begin taming your anxiety and changing your relationship with it for good.
Step 1: Acknowledge and Observe, Don’t Fight
When a wave of anxiety hits, our first instinct is often to push it away, ignore it, or fight it. We tell ourselves, “Stop feeling this way!” or distract ourselves with our phones, food, or work. But here’s the paradox: what you resist, persists. Fighting anxiety is like trying to hold a beach ball underwater. It takes a ton of energy, and the moment you let go, it shoots up with even more force.
Instead, try a different approach: Acknowledge and Observe.
Simply say to yourself, “Okay, anxiety is here right now.” Name it. This simple act of labeling the emotion creates a little bit of distance between you and the feeling. You are not anxiety; you are a person experiencing anxiety.
Then, get curious. Observe it like a scientist.
- Where do you feel it in your body? A tight chest? Sweaty palms? A churning stomach?
- What thoughts are attached to it? Are they future-oriented worries? Self-critical judgments?
- Don’t judge the sensations or thoughts. Just notice them. They are like clouds passing in the sky—temporary and separate from the sky itself.
Step 2: Challenge Your Anxious Thoughts
Anxiety is fueled by a specific type of thinking. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), we call these “cognitive distortions” or “thinking traps.” These are unhelpful thought patterns that twist reality, and they are anxiety’s favorite fuel. The most common one is catastrophizing—assuming the worst-case scenario will happen.
Your job is to become a gentle detective and question these thoughts. Don’t just accept them as fact.
When you catch an anxious thought like, “I’m going to completely bomb this presentation and everyone will think I’m an idiot,” ask yourself these questions:
- What’s the evidence for this thought? Have I actually bombed every presentation I’ve ever given?
- What’s a more balanced or realistic perspective? I’m prepared, I know the material, and even if I stumble, it’s unlikely to be a complete disaster. Most people are focused on their own work anyway.
- What’s the worst that could realistically happen? I might forget a point or feel nervous.
- And could I handle that? Yes. I could pause, take a sip of water, and look at my notes. Life would go on.
You’re not trying to replace a negative thought with a blindly positive one. You’re aiming for a more realistic and balanced view.
Step 3: Soothe Your Nervous System
Anxiety isn’t just in your head; it’s a full-body experience. The racing heart, shallow breathing, and tense muscles are all signs of your sympathetic nervous system (your “fight-or-flight” response) taking over. You can consciously calm this physical response by activating its opposite: the parasympathetic nervous system (your “rest-and-digest” system).
The fastest way to do this is through your breath.
Try this Diaphragmatic Breathing (or “belly breathing”) exercise:
- Sit or lie down comfortably. Place one hand on your chest and the other on your belly.
- Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for a count of four, feeling your belly expand like a balloon. Try to keep the hand on your chest relatively still.
- Hold your breath for a brief moment (a count of one or two).
- Exhale slowly through your mouth for a count of six, feeling your belly gently fall.
- Repeat this for 5-10 cycles.
This slow, extended exhale is key. It sends a direct signal to your brain that you are safe, effectively hitting the “off” switch on your body’s alarm system.
Step 4: Lean In, Don’t Pull Away
Anxiety often makes us want to avoid the things that scare us. If you have social anxiety, you might turn down party invitations. If you have a fear of driving, you might ask others to drive you. While avoidance brings short-term relief, it has a devastating long-term cost: it makes your world smaller and your anxiety bigger.
Every time you avoid something, you reinforce the belief that you can’t handle it. The solution is to do the opposite: lean in, gradually.
This is called exposure. Start small—so small it feels almost too easy.
- Afraid of social events? Start by sending a text to a friend. Next week, make a short phone call. The week after, meet for a 30-minute coffee.
- Anxious about public speaking? Practice your presentation in front of a mirror. Then for your pet. Then for a trusted partner or friend.
By taking small, manageable steps towards your fears, you teach your brain a powerful new lesson: “This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it. I am capable.”
Step 5: Build Your Resilience Toolkit
Taming anxiety isn’t just about what you do in the moment; it’s about building a lifestyle that makes you more resilient to it in the first place. Think of this as preventative care for your mind.
Your toolkit should include:
- Mindful Movement: Regular exercise (even a 20-minute walk) is one of the most effective anti-anxiety tools we have. It burns off stress hormones and releases mood-boosting endorphins.
- Sleep Hygiene: Anxiety and poor sleep are locked in a vicious cycle. Prioritize a consistent sleep schedule and a relaxing bedtime routine.
- Nourishment: Pay attention to how caffeine, sugar, and alcohol affect your anxiety levels. Focus on whole foods that stabilize your blood sugar and mood.
- Connection: Don’t isolate yourself. Share how you’re feeling with a trusted friend or family member. Connection is a powerful antidote to shame and fear.
A Final Thought: Be Kind to Yourself
Learning to manage anxiety is a practice, not a perfect science. There will be days when it feels easy and days when the old patterns return. That’s okay. The most important thing I tell my clients is to be gentle with yourself.
Each time you choose to observe instead of fight, to question a thought, to breathe deeply, or to take one small brave step, you are rewiring your brain and reclaiming your peace. You are learning to tame the alarm, not be ruled by it.
And if your anxiety feels too big to handle on your own, please seek support from a qualified mental health professional. It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help.
